


Look at Me

by FindMeIfYouDare



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Love, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 21:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4682528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FindMeIfYouDare/pseuds/FindMeIfYouDare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're in love with Loki but he's going back to Asgard and you don't want to say goodbye... So you run away. And Loki is not very happy about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look at Me

You’d like to say that your relationship with the God of Mischief was perfect, hell you’d be happy just saying it was easy. But neither word describes yours and Loki’s relationship. In fact words like hard, messy, or frustrating are far better suited for it. It hasn’t been very long but long enough for you to realize you love him. Love. As in messy, stomach-twisting, palm-sweat inducing love. The kind of love that makes you want to fling yourself off buildings or jump in front of bullets or drink vials of poison. You know the insane kind, the truly epic kind.

Sadly the whole world, well worlds, seemed to know it but him. Your first meeting with him was insanity wrapped in chaos. But like any great love story it progressed despite the rocky start and difficult circumstances. Looking back you realize that loving him came naturally for you. It was like breathing or smiling. No matter how hard you try not to you just… do. Despite your deep love for him it seemed that he never fell in love with you. And a one sided romance can only last so long.

Now, here you stand awaiting his eventual departure from Earth and back to Asgard. You’ve been told that you can say goodbye to him one last time before he leaves but you’re not sure if you truly want to. Part of you desperately yearns to see him and yet another part wants nothing more than to turn away and never look back. Standing nervously next to Natasha and Clint you ponder your options while waiting outside Stark Tower. If you leave now he’ll never know you were even here. In fact by the time he’d be leaving the building you could be far enough away that even if he called your name you wouldn’t ever know. Running is sounding more appealing by the second.

“You do realize Thor told him you’d be here, right?” Nat says turning to give you the look. The look that says she knows exactly what you’re thinking. You try to ignore the look but that one sentence has crushed your hopes of being able to vanish unscathed from whatever happens. Somehow someone will get hurt and from the way you see it… its most likely going to be you.

Clint chuckles under his breath from your other side, “Think how crushed he’d be if you didn’t turn up at all.”

You elbow him as Nat gives him a glare as you reply, “I doubt he’d care at all.” 

Nat snorts and Clint lets out a short bark of laughter, “Yeah right. The only reason he’s been so well-behaved this whole time is because otherwise Fury said you couldn’t be here to see him off. You my little bird mean more to him then even a chance of freedom.” He glances down at his watch casually before looking back up at the doors, “I’d say he’s gonna arrive in the next thirty seconds.”

You suck in a breath. Heart in your throat you know that you’d have to run to be out of sight before he arrives. Panic halts you and you can hear the seconds ticking away before you whirl around and take off at a run down the street not even stopping to explain or say by the Nat or Clint. Ignoring the oncoming cars you cross the street in a hurry and dash away from the one man you love. Somehow this is easier. This is safer. He doesn’t love you. He can’t love you and you can’t face him. Its okay to run you tell yourself as you make it to the steps of the park and feel an accustomed chill run up your spine.

Freezing you stop and let out a long deep breath as tears slowly slip down your cheeks. “Lady (f/n)!” you hear Thor’s voice calling out to you. You could turn. Turn around and go back… but it’s too late… too late for that. No, the moment for going back has passed and all you can do now it continue to leave. Taking a shaky breath you calmly begin to descend the stairs. 

You don’t look back. 

If you look back you’ll see him. Your gaze will meet his and in that moment you’ll feel compelled to rush into his arms. To beg him not to go. To confess your love and watch as he vanishes afterwards. 

No. 

Don’t look back. 

Never look back. 

If you look back the regrets of your past will swallow you up. Instead you look forward and it kills you with every step.  
~

Years later you stand at the window watching the rain fall from the sky matching your melancholy mood. You’ve basically been living like hermit barely doing anything except when Fury calls you in to help with a special case or such. He says you’d make a great agent but you can barely stomach being around a couple agents so working full time for them is out of the question. Even as it is you really only have contact with Nat, Clint, and Bruce. You’ve practically given up living…

Tapping a finger against the cool glass you wait for the kettle to heat up the water for you tea. “Stupid rain,” you mutter. You wanted to go out and take a walk today but with crappy weather like this you’re stuck inside. Rain reminds you of him. Cool and calm just like him. 

Closing your eyes you suck in a deep breath, “I miss him.” You lean your head against the window feeling the cold seep into your skin.

“Do you?” asks a voice behind you. “Do you really?”

You don’t even bother to open your eyes as tears leak out and spill down you cheeks, “Yes Loki I really do miss you.” A sad, pathetic laugh escapes your mouth, “Even though I know you’re not really here. That you’re just a figment of my imagination it still feels like you’re here. And I know that’s as good as I’ll ever get again.” Pressing a hand near your head you practically embrace the window as you try to shy away from the voice that haunts your every moment.

A dark chuckle can be heard getting closer to you, “A figment of your imagination? Well, well darling you really are creative but I am here.”

“No you’re not.” You state reaching up and wiping at your tear streaked cheeks pushing away from the window and straightening. “Besides even if you did return form Asgard the last person you’d want to see would be me. I ran away without saying goodbye. I didn’t even look back!”

“And it tore my heart out to watch you run away from me,” comes a snarl right behind you. “To watch as the woman I care most for treat me like a monster. Is that what I am to you? A monster? Is that why you couldn’t look back? Is that why you couldn’t love me?”

“No!” you sob arms wrapping around yourself in an attempt to bring you comfort. “Never! You’re not a monster Loki. What you did was wrong but I could never see you as a monster…” You trail off sobs wracking your body. “I couldn’t look back. I just couldn’t. If I did…”

“If you did?” comes the silky voice of your worst nightmare. “What (f/n)? What would have happened? Tell me.”

Lips trembling you tilt your head up and let the tears cascade down your cheeks, “If I looked back I wouldn’t have been able to let you go. It would have broken me to see you dragged away. I couldn’t look because I love you. I love you so much. And it hurt so much to never be able to tell you that. But I knew that if I did tell you it wouldn’t change anything. You’d still be taken away to Asgard and I’d still be left on Earth. Alone and unloved.”

“Unloved?” comes a mocking reply. Arms snake around your waist and pull you back against a cool, familiar chest. “Why unloved?”

“Because you don’t love me,” you whisper eyes still tightly shut. “I love you but you’ll never love me.”

“But I do love you,” he murmurs in your ear. Pressing a soft kiss against your cheek, “I love you very much.”

“You do?” Opening your eyes you try to turn to look at him only for him to use his grip on you to keep you looking straight ahead. “Loki I want to see your face when you say you love me,” you whine squirming in his grip.

“No this is your punishment for not looking back all those years ago,” he whispers kissing up your neck as he speaks. “For not telling me you love me.”

“But Loki!” you whimper closing your eyes again to try to resist the temptation to look at him.

“Look at me and I’ll kill you…” he tighten his arms around your waist. “Leave me and I’ll make sure it’s a painful death.”

Love isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always kind. But love is strong. Passionate. And as you stand there with Loki’s arms around you it comes to you. You realize that love is dark and wild and sometimes brutal. And the man you love is all those things. You should have looked back, because if you’d looked back you’d have seen the love in his eyes and maybe, just maybe, you would have been able to be together sooner. But that doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that he’s here with you and you don’t need to look back at him to know he loves you.  
>


End file.
